Silver Linings

Despite the dark clouds that enveloped India late this week, with MPs using pepper spray and brandishing knives, there were many silver linings.

In fact a question that has vexed philosophers, psychiatrists and thinkers may very well be settled, thanks to a trenchant essay by a leading marketing and consumer insight expert.

The essayist charmingly admitted that a couple of logical links were missing and then listed a raft of designers - Tom Ford of Gucci, Cristóbal Balenciaga, Christian Dior and Yves Saint Laurent among others- all of whom were gay. Again admitting a lack of scientic research, she then posited a designer or gay gene.

If there is indeed a gay gene it will definitively answer the Nature vs Nurture debate. It may also lead to the establishment of celibacy as being hereditary.

While bomb blasts ravaged the world the past week, one bomber in Kovilapatti appears to have a social conscience. Peeved by the growing mounds of garbage, the unknown bomber blasted a trash can, in a bid to find a final solution.

But, bombs are not indiscriminate in spreading havoc. One designed to take out a Reliance supermarket in Madurai did not go off even after being ignited. This has enhanced the Ambanis’ prestige considerably.

The population problem has brought about Nirodh Redux. Now branded a luxury product, Nirodh is again in markets. Large and Extra-large sizes are not planned for the time being.

Poll fever has thoroughly gripped India and we are seeing a range of benefits. For one, Madras will get back pavements. All bus routes in the city will get redesigned wide, easy-to-access footpaths before the elections this year. Work on redesigned footpaths on 55 roads is under way.

In Tiruvannamalai 350 or so hermits have sought voter IDs as they want to participate this time around. How exactly this can be done is the question that has the region’s babus scratching their heads.

Good, honest work is also available for hosts of Indians with or without an education. Classes are being undertaken in the science of elections – like ballot stuffing, booth capturing, repeat votes, and so on. As a result, there is now a sudden infusion of cash, mostly in the Rs 500 and Rs 1000 denominations.

This may explain why the Indian Post Office, yes it is still here, has decided to enter the ATM business, though India’s biggest bank, SBI, recently said that this line was proving too costly and had low profit margins.

This could also be why the RBI has approved four non-banking firms to set up ATMs. Soon, Indian citizens without a bank account would be able to withdraw cash from an ATM with the help of mobile technology.

RBI on Wednesday approved the setting up of White Label ATMs in the country. We are not sure, yet, how this label will compare with the Red, Black and Blue Labels.

Many have obviously mistaken this as a clear shot at sudden riches. To be fair to them, such confusion was not singular. Obviously, taken up with a role he had recently done and impressed with the number of spy thrillers actor Akshay Kumar said: If I weren't an actor, I'd be a Defence Intelligence Agent.

A news story from Bosnia-Herzegovina had much of us amused. Apparently that country has been shaken by a wave of anti-government protests with “more than five thousand” taking to the streets in one town on Friday. Wonder what they would call rush hour traffic here.

The doom and gloom merchants have pointed out a report by the panel that probed the IPL scam, saying that corruption had spread on every level. The good news was that the same report has suggested that gambling be legalised, shortly before M A M Ramaswamy’s Marmaduke won the chief event of the races held here on Thursday.

Other highlights of the week were N Srinivasan cementing India’s position at the top of the ICC, his son-in-law being indicted for corruption and gambling and his brother N Ramachandran becoming the head of the Indian Olympic Association.Indian athletes can now compete under the tricolour as the previous IOA had been deemed too corrupt and India being banned from the International Olympic Committee. Go figure.

The weather strip on NDTV, once a path-breaker in TV journalism, irrespective of the time, day, week or month constantly shows Chennai at 21.7, Delhi at 19 and Jammu at 17.4, among other cities. Either they have figured out how to control climate or they just think that the viewer is just not going to give a damn.