The Canny Cops Of U.P.

Recent events have helped the Uttar Pradesh police re-establish their credentials. They had been roundly reviled and accused of acting on their political masters’ whims and favouring the rich.

In the former case, they had been charged with turning a blind eye to the camps of those affected by the riots in Muzaffarnagar. The recent death of a three year old child in the ‘refugee’ camps only intensified this animosity.

In a further test of their credibility, they were accused of using excessive force on some doctors who had taken to the streets while airing their grievances. They were then taken to task in the curious case of Sahara Group chairman Subrata Roy. 

After the Supreme Court issued an arrest warrant on Roy, the UP cops went to his house and came back empty handed. Roy had cannily moved over to his mother’s house, thus giving the cops enough reason to say that the house they searched did not house the accused. 

But with the SC forcing their hand they soon ‘found’ him and then went on to lodge him in an expensive resort, which was then closed to the janta.

Roy, an ardent supporter of Indian cricket, also appears to be a fan of Mae West, who had famously said: I’ve been poor and I’ve been rich. It’s better being rich. And as a cricket fan, Roy also took to heart the advice given to batsmen: When slashing at a ball outside the off-stump, you must slash hard.

Taking these two in conjunction Roy has amassed a vast fortune and had bedevilled investors and the taxman so much that the Supreme Court finally lost its patience and forced him into Tihar jail.

These incidents, however, only spurred the UP cops to step up their bid for righteous fame. In a recent case they had managed to track down seven buffaloes belonging to a minister and which had been farmed out in different locations.

How they did it, remains a mystery. They do not want to follow in Sherlock Holmes’s footsteps when he said, “You know my methods. Apply them.” Now, they have solved a murder, a case which would have stymied Holmes, Poirot and Perry Mason.

First, the case: Mrs. Neelam (45), wife of Vijay Sharma, the editor of a Hindi daily, was found murdered at her residence in Agra on February 20. To make matters worse her pet dog too had been killed.

After a week of deduction, the cops found aid, help and succour in the victim’s parrot, named Hercule. The bird was found to screech every time the husband’s nephew came or even at the mention of his name, Ashutosh.

Synapses fired and the Agra SSP, Shalabh Mathur, proudly revealed that Ashutosh had confessed to the crime on being interrogated. "Ashutosh and an accomplice had entered the house with the intention of taking away cash and other valuables.

“Afraid that his aunt might recognize him, he stabbed her as well as the dog when he started barking. But he hadn't accounted for the parrot who was watching silently.”

More on how a son fought seven years to have his father accept him, the rites of the Left and other events later on.