February Fever Fades

As the first day of play drew to a close, the field resembled more a battleground from Asterix where the Goths, Romans, Gauls, Helvetians and many more battle each other, little knowing who is hurting, or helping, whom.

With the pitch expected to worsen over the last two sessions, we can confidently expect Madness in March, Antics in April, Mayhem in May and God only knows what later on. But for now, even with a couple of hours of play left, troops have been withdrawn and strategies being reworked.

While there were a number of casualties, Congress easily claimed the Biggest Loser's award. It seemed as if the party and its members were hell-bent on disproving the adage that “in shooting much depends on who is at which end.”

The Congress has also learnt that if you sleep with the dogs you’ll get up with fleas, which once they see another fat cat will behave like rats deserting a sinking ship.

We can be pretty sure that there will be U-turns aplenty. Even as the present regime brought out Nirodh to control the population explosion, VHP leader Ashok Singhal sounded a clarion call for Hindus to go forth and multiply.

Exercised by what he felt was a slower growth rate in Hindu population than Christians and Muslims he asked Hindu families to “produce at least five children”.

Much like Rahul lowering the bar on political knowledge every time he opens his mouth, the BJP too has lowered its sights by declaring a ‘Mission 272’. There are 545 seats that will be fought for, in case you were wondering.

Tamil Nadu Chief Minister J Jayalalithaa celebrated her 66^th birthday and the state went nuts as AIADMK functionaries vied for her attention with ads, hoardings and banners. One ad in particular drew notice claiming that she was a “Guinness record holder.” Which was quite hard as it came a day after the last survivor of the Holocaust died at the age of 108.

Despite the rupee staying stable at 61-62 against the dollar, the idea of gold as a currency has been gaining … well currency, though we were warned that imports may fall to 500-550 tonnes next year and smuggling could rise.

Reports have already begun on the smuggling front, with one African lady “held for smuggling gold in her underwear.” Gold, now selling at around Rs. 30,000 per 10 grams, fascinated one enterprising lad. He went to work, swiped 20 sovereigns off his boss and went on a party.

Unfortunately, he left too many clues, thanks to which a four member police team from Madras had the pleasure of going to Goa where they nabbed the culprit and his associate sun-bathing on a beach.

The city cops are, however, disappointed with their lot. Their shoes, which weigh close to a kilo, are mostly made in the Trichy prison. What has made them disgruntled is that their Mumbai brethren are enjoying the joys of designer furniture, especially chairs, made by convicts in Thane prison.

The convicts also make gift items like leather goods and pens, tables, rifle stands and wall hangings. The popularity of the teak furniture has left a huge demand-supply gap.

One man took advantage of our focus on the political loonies. Prabakar Sathya Kumar, of Orathur village in Tiruvallur district, claimed that he was an employee of the Madras High Court for 35 years, was closely associated with several judges and went on to “sell” jobs in court to more than 180 people.

He issued ‘appointment orders,’ signed and sealed. Charging Rs 1.50 lakhs for sweepers, Rs 2 lakhs for office assistants and Rs 3 to Rs 4 lakhs for clerks, he collected over Rs 4 crores and is now absconding.